


Mirror, Mirror

by MidnightChardonnay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 15:36:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18153761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightChardonnay/pseuds/MidnightChardonnay
Summary: Needing to see her one more time, Severus Snape embarks on a journey for forgiveness.





	Mirror, Mirror

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [DBQ2019Round1](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DBQ2019Round1) collection. 



> Written for Death by Quill - Round 1. Mirror Magic.

_ It started with a contract. Stupid, bloody contract. Signed with a cursed quill, sealed with a blood oath, he entered into an agreement out of sheer desperation. _

 

_ He needed to see her again; to tell her how much he regretted everything in his life. Growing so deep in his jealousy of the messy-haired wizard he watched her fall in love with, he treated her friends miserably.  _

 

_ He would give anything now to have been sorted into Gryffindor. It would have been awful to be part of the crimson and gold, but better than what he had been left with in the end.  _

 

_ He needed to hear her voice say his name, see her soft smile. To hear her say that she had forgiven him, or at least that she understood why he made those horrible choices. _

 

_ He needed a chance to explain himself.  _

 

_ When he heard of the man with a mirror that could defy time, space, and even death, that could show you anyone with just a mere utterance of their name, he knew he had to try, no matter the consequence. He would not die without ever having been able to tell her how he felt about her.  _

 

_ He had traveled the distance to search the man out, hoping that he even existed. Praying to every god he had ever heard of that it would work and he could… _

 

_ \-  _

 

When he arrived back at his hovel of a home in Spinner’s End, he collapsed into his worn chair, scrubbing his hands over his face. Breathing deeply, not wanting to act carelessly as he always had where Lily was concerned, he steadied himself. 

 

Throwing back the glass of Firewhisky, he pulled out the mirror. He weighed it in his hands, turning it over and over, examining every detail. Ancient runes that even he had never seen covered the tarnished metal handle, seeming to change every time he looked at them so they could not be translated. Refilling his glass and drinking again, he felt a warmth starting to move throughout his body.

 

“Go on, then. Say her name…” he thought he heard it whisper. But that was not possible, was it? A chunk of metal and glass could not talk. 

 

He continued to examine the thing, feeling the dark magic of it seeping into his skin. A light buzzing, like the sound of tiny wings fluttering, started behind his eyes, spreading slowly throughout his head and into his chest.

 

He felt the words pulling from the center of his chest up, getting stuck for a moment in his throat before bursting out of his mouth, almost unwillingly. 

 

_ “Lily Evans.”  _

 

A haze began to swirl across the glass, his reflection disappearing, fading to black as he watched. Faint at first, he could just start to make out a silhouette coming closer, pale skin moving through what appeared to be nothing but darkness. Coming closer, he could see red hair flowing around a delicate face, dainty nose smattered with tiny freckles, and those eyes. Big, green, almond shaped eyes.

 

He gasped and dropped the mirror as she came into focus. Looking around the shack, afraid that someone had snuck in behind him, he confirmed again that he was alone. 

 

He quicky stooped to pick up the mirror and held it up. Breathless and shaking, he whispered “Lily?”

 

He had long imagined that when he saw her again, she would smile at him like she had all those years ago and shout her forgivenesses at him for everything in their past.

 

The reality was much different. 

 

“YOU!” she screamed at him. “How  _ dare _ you pull me back to have to look upon your face after  _ everything _ you have done! What do you want from me, Snape?”

 

Jaw dropping open in shock, he drew in a quick breath. She had never spoken to him like that, and had  _ never _ called him ‘Snape.’ 

 

“I- I just..I wanted…” the once arrogant professor and Death Eater couldn’t manage to get out a complete sentence. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do, but where to start? 

 

“Ugh! Never mind. I’ll not waste another moment of my afterlife listening to the excuses of a cruel and miserable man. Do not call for me again.”

 

The image of Lily Evans went black, and silence engulfed him. He gently let the mirror fall to his lap, his head feeling heavy and foggy as he thought about what had transpired. 

 

Tears streaming down his face, he realized that he was angry that things had not gone according to plan. The hours spent watching a reflection in a different mirror had given him the hope of forgiveness, of rekindled friendship. When he would see her in the Mirror of Erised, she would smile at him and put her hand on his shoulder, nodding slightly at him and showing him that all was well once again. That she understood him. 

 

Foolish man that he was, he never heeded Dumbledore’s words. The old man would talk in riddles and metaphors and never fully explain what he was talking about, and something about false realities that always caused Severus to roll his eyes and tune him out in favor of the beautiful red-headed witch reflected back at him. 

 

No, this was not how this was supposed to go at all. 

 

-

 

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he noticed sunlight peeking through the drapes that hung sloppily from the windows. Tumbler in his lap, having spilled what was left of the drink on his robes, he thought he must have dreamt the previous night’s events. 

 

Pushing himself up from his chair, his bones ached more than usual, his limbs stiff as he walked to the loo. Looking in the mirror, he gasped as he noticed his hair had...changed. He raised a hand to run his fingers lightly through usually black strands. Strands of silver now replaced much of the black that he was known for. He appeared to have aged 20 years overnight. 

 

Stumbling back to the living room, hands still in his hair, he wondered what was happening to him. He felt so much...older. Stiff, achy joints and limbs and grey hair? 

 

Reaching his faded old chair, he noticed the mirror still on the floor. He picked it up and examined it again, distracted from his aging plight. Determined to get through to Lily, at least to get her to listen to him instead of just fading away again. 

 

He muttered “damn you Lily Evans, and the effects you have on me.”

 

He set the mirror on his side table, and leant back in his seat. Thinking over the last time he spoke to her, he debated with himself about how to approach it next time. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice the mirror’s swirling foggy appearance, and the pretty witch whose face appeared in it. 

 

“Severus Snape! If that is you again, I’ll...well, I don’t know what I’ll do. But you won’t like it! Show yourself, you bloody git!” he heard coming from somewhere to his left. 

 

Startled out of his foggy, suddenly aged morning brain, he jolted and looked to the mirror on his side table, seeing Lily’s face. Oh, was she angry. He picked it up quickly as he realized he had accidentally called her again. 

 

“Gods witch, you scared the piss out of me. If you are quite through with your yelling, I have a bit of a headache.” 

 

Not ready for his snappy retort, she huffed and crossed her arms. 

 

“Well,  _ you _ are the one who called  _ me,  _ Severus. And since I distinctly remember telling to you shove off last time you called, I don’t know why I’m here again.”

 

“Woman, if you could lower your screeching just one octave, I would be eternally grateful. I don’t mean to be cross, but I’m just having a bit of a dilemma here, and I just...don’t have time to deal with being berated at the moment,” he sighed, waiting to see if she would oblige him just this once. 

 

“What’s the matter, then? You’re looking a bit more gray up top. Has it been so long that I’ve been gone?” she wondered, thinking it had been a while, but not long enough for him to have aged so drastically. 

 

“I’m not sure. Haven’t had time to figure it out yet.” He decided that honesty with Lily Evans was the best route at this point. “And no, it hasn’t been long. Seems only since yesterday.”

 

“Well, since I’m here, why  _ am _ I here?” she asked. 

 

“I wanted to...explain, I guess.” he started out slowly. “I wanted to…” he tasted the word before finally letting it out. “Apologize.”   
  


“Apologize? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak that word. You really must be feeling ill.” Her snark was not helping his headache or his patience. 

 

“Listen, I know that I was awful and I made some terrible choices, but I wanted to tell you that I’m, well I’m sorry. For...all of it.” He practically yelled the words at her and she recoiled a bit at his tone. 

 

“You’re sorry? For which part? For calling me a Mudblood or for bullying my friends?” she started. “Or what about choosing to follow You-Know-Who, and taking the Mark? Or even better yet, how  _ you treated my  _ only _ son?! _ You always were a bully Severus, but  _ children,  _ Severus _? _ ”

 

“I know. I’m sorry. For all of it.” He felt an unpleasant stinging behind his eyes, blinking quickly to hide it from the witch in the mirror. “I just couldn’t…”

 

“Couldn’t what, Severus? Couldn’t manage to be a good man?” she sneered at him, then turned away. 

 

“Wait! Lily, please. Let me… Just let me try. You know I’m not good with...  _ feelings,”  _ he spat the word out as if it tasted horrible. “I just… I’m sorry, ok? I couldn’t look at your son without seeing  _ him _ , and then he had your eyes. Then everything that followed, and having to be both Death Eater and…” he sighed, the weight of the words heavy on his conscience. “I was trying to mourn you, and then  _ he _ turns up. And it was just... too much.” 

 

“Severus,” she whispered. “It has been 10 years since.. well  _ since _ . Why were you still mourning?”

 

“Lily, you know how…” the lump in his throat suddenly choking him, he reached for his glass, finding it empty. Trying again he said “How I felt. You know, about you.” 

 

An amused smile crossed her face, terrifying him a bit. He knew that look. That look she got when she knew she had someone on the hook for something and just wanted to screw with them. 

 

“How you  _ felt _ about me? No, I really don’t know, Severus,” her smirk grew wide across her face into a cheshire grin. “Please, do tell me, how exactly did you feel? You know, about me?” 

 

A mixture of horrible embarrassment and exasperation, knowing that she was going to force the words out of him, he grit his teeth and seethed “I felt, very fondly, for you.”

 

“Very fondly, you say?” she laughed out loud this time. “Well, Severus, I think that that is about the nicest thing you’ve ever said. But you can do better. Care to try again?”

 

Huffing and stamping his foot, he looked into the mirror with such antipathy that she actually took a step back as he continued in a monotone, emotionless voice, “Fine. The sun and moon rose for you in my heart, and every sickening love song was about you. Ok?” 

 

She looked a little dumbfounded by his words, as if she actually hadn’t known that he had loved her. 

 

“But then why…” 

 

“Because I hated Potter. He took you from me. His wretched friends drove a wedge between us and I hated him. When your  _ son _ waltzed into my classroom like he owned the place, just because he was a new  _ celebrity,”  _  he hissed out the word, “I only saw Potter and his deviant friends, and knew he was the same as them.” 

 

“You don’t know  _ anything _ about  _ my _ son if you think he wanted all of the attention. You can’t have had a conversation with him if you think he enjoyed being recognized everywhere he went. Did you even  _ try _ , Severus? Did you for once think that maybe he  _ hated _ the fact that he couldn’t go anywhere without everyone reminding him that his parents were  _ dead!? _ ” She glared at him. “What do you want from me, Snape?” 

 

Properly admonished and feeling a bit ashamed of himself he tried to explain, “I just wanted to explain, and ask for your…” he hesitated, knowing he would never get what he needed, “Forgiveness.”

 

“Forgiv—” she stopped, attempting to regain her composure. “Forgiveness?  _ Forgiveness?!?!?  _  How you ever thought that I could possibly  _ forgive _ you— You must be out of your mind. I’m done.” 

 

“No. Lily, wait.” But she was already gone, the mirror black once more, and his chances evaporating before him. 

 

Dropping his head into his hands, he allowed the tears to fall this time, once again having no one to hide them from.

 

-

 

Hours later he got up, his need to relieve himself greater than the need to wallow in self-pity. Catching sight of his reflection in the mirror, he gasped in horror. 

 

He could no longer deny that his appearance was rapidly changing. Where salt and pepper hair sat on his head the last time he looked, was now replaced with a dirty grey-white, limp mane. His skin, which had been smooth still just hours ago, was now drooping and wrinkled, especially around the eyes. 

 

Where once a young man, albeit an angry and lonely young man, now stood a shriveled up, aging wizard. All signs of youth and vigor gone, replaced by lines and stringy strands of hair. 

 

As he stood gaping at the sad face looking back at him, he lost control of his bladder, wetting himself without even noticing. 

 

-

 

Retreating back to the sitting room, he refilled his glass, with water this time, not sure if his body would tolerate Firewhisky anymore. Taking a small sip, he noticed his hand shaking, a bit of water spilling over the rim and dribbling down his chin. 

 

Carefully setting his glass down, he noticed a bit of folded up parchment sticking out between the cushions of his chair. Pulling it carefully out and trying to keep his hands steady, he unfolded the page. 

 

The memories of meeting with the old man rushed back to him as he read over the contract before him. 

 

_ Contract and Blood Oath... accept full responsibility and have been warned of the curse placed upon the relic... Risks of using this item to call forth the deceased include dizziness, shortness of breath, memory loss... signing my name in blood... _

  
  


His face becoming even more pale as he read, he gasped and dropped the contract, bringing his shaking hand to his mouth. 

 

_ Premature Aging… May increase with each use. Death. Irreversible. _

 

At least now he knew. Each time he had called Lily Evans, he was literally killing himself. His desperation to seek out the comfort of her eyes, to hear her voice, to plead for forgiveness, he signed years of his life away. 

 

Was it worth it? Worth dying just to see her again? 

 

He picked the mirror up again and screamed the words “ _ Lily Evans!”  _

 

Begging the mirror to hurry, he muttered the words like a chant.

 

“I’m sorry, Lily. I’m sorry.” 

 

She appeared looking frustrated, but one glance had her features slipping. 

 

“Severus? Is that you?” she whispered. 

 

“Yes, Lily. I’ve figured it out,” he rushed through the words, trying to get as much out as he could before she interrupted him. “I found the contract, and I understand now.” 

 

“Contract? What are you talking about Severus? What is happening to you?” Her eyes full of disbelief, not sure how to respond or act to the old man looking at her.

 

He explained everything as best he could, needing to take frequent breaks to sip the water to wet his mouth to keep himself from coughing. He explained his desperation to see her, to talk to her, learning of the old man and the mirror, the long and arduous trip to find him. He told her how he’d aged in a matter of days, and how he’d just found the piece of parchment stuffed in his chair cushions. 

 

When he was finished, she sat quiet for several moments. She looked over his newly lined face, the dull grey hair, the drooping jowls on his chin. When her eyes returned to his, she nodded slightly and spoke. 

 

“Severus, listen. You must break the mirror. Rid yourself of the thing once and for all. The risks are too great, and I’ll not have you sacrificing your life, or anyone else, just to talk to the dead.”

 

“No!” he shouted at her, subsequently choking on his own saliva and needing another sip of water. “I can’t do that. I need-- I need to know. I need to know that you’ve…” 

 

He trailed off. He could feel his skin changing this time as he spoke. He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest. He felt the strength of his arms leaving his body, his hands shaking harder now. 

 

“No, Sev. It’s not worth it. You need to be able to live your life. Get rid of it. It’s not worth it. I’ll be here waiting for you to cross over. Until then, live.”

 

The mirror went black again as she left him alone in the room once more.

 

He set the mirror on his lap and thought for several minutes about what to do next. He tried to stand up, but he couldn’t muster the strength. His legs would not support him, and every time he would rise up a bit, he would collapse again. 

 

He knew. He knew that the next time he called to her would be his last. He felt the life leaving him with each passing moment, and he knew he could not take much more. 

 

Was it worth it? Was  _ she _ worth the last breath that he would ever take? All he needed was to hear her say the words, that she forgave him. 

 

He didn’t need love. He just needed her to forgive. And yes, it was worth it to him. Her forgiveness was worth his lifetime of loneliness. 

 

He picked up the mirror once more, calling to her. As her red hair and bright green eyes came into focus, he spoke in a rush. 

 

“Lily, I’m sorry” he started. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for how I treated Harry. I’m sorry for calling you a Mudblood, and for allowing the others to treat you so dreadfully. I’m sorry that I wasn’t your friend when you needed me, and I’m sorry that it was my fault the Dark Lord came after you and your family.

 

I was lonely when you were sorted into Gryffindor, hurt and sad that you wouldn’t be there with me. I tried to remain your friend, but the other Slytherins made life hell for me when they saw me with you. 

 

I was selfish. I was a bully. And I’m so sorry.” He dropped his head and openly wept, no longer hiding himself from her. 

 

“Severus, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Tears were running down her face, and though he couldn’t see them with his head down, he could head them in her voice. “You call to me after so many years, and just expect me to be ok with all of this. I just… I don’t know.”

 

With every tear he shed, he could feel life trickling away from him, his breathing becoming a bit more ragged. 

 

“I just wanted...to tell you… that I love you. I know it’s a lot, but I hope you can... forgive me.” He coughed out the last few words. His parched throat needed water, but he didn’t have the strength to reach for it.

 

“Oh Severus, why did you call me back? You want me to see you like this, to guilt me into forgiving the unforgivable?” She was angry with him; years of hurt and resentment pouring out through her tears. 

 

“No, Lily. I wanted you to know the truth. Wanted you to know… why. It was because I loved you. I still do.”

 

“After all this time, Sev?”

 

“Always,” he took in one last gulp of air. “I will always love you.”

 

The mirror dropped to his lap, his head settling back into his chair. His body releasing one jagged exhale of breath, the last essence of Severus Snape leaving his body. 

 

Lily, still in the mirror, whispered to the unhearing wizard, “I forgive you.” and once again disappeared into the mirror that had taken the man’s life. 


End file.
